A X-Mas Lump Of Coal (Or 2)

Humbug! Humbug, I say!

TV delivered a huge sack of coal in 2007, and the following were among the lowlights:

10. Tell Me You Love Me (HBO): Way to make graphic sense completely dull and unsexy, Cynthia Mort.

9. John From Cincinnati (HBO): I really don't know how bad this show was. I only made it through the first 15 minutes of the first episode.

8. The Riches (FX): This deserves a caveat, because I think Eddie Izzard turned in an Emmy-nomination worthy performance as the patriarch of a clan of con men. But everything else, especially Minnie Driver, was just awful. It wasn't the worst thing on FX, though, because...

7. Dirt (FX): ... FX also gave us this piece of, well, dirt. As bad as the main storyline, the whole psycho-photographer thing just made it unwatchable.

6. Big Bang Theory (CBS): How this show is one of the best new series of the season ratings-wise is beyond me. I've known my share of geeks through the years (and counted myself among them) and no one was ever this obtuse. This is as unfunny as sitcoms get.

5. Caveman/Carpoolers (ABC): I stand corrected. This is as unfunny as sitcoms get. These shows deserved to be lumped together, considering how awful they are. ABC was really hit-or-miss with its new stuff this season.

4. The View (ABC): Can't live with Rosie, can't live without her. Obviously, any time you get rid of the shrill Rosie O'Donnell and her blithering nonsense, it's a step in the right direction. But boy, the show sure is boring without her.

3. The Apprentice (NBC): It was bad enough Trump got rid of George and Caroline in favor of his sycophantic kids, but making the losing team sleep outside in tents? Keeping the same project managers week in and week out? Desperation moves that backfired, big-time. And with the so-called celebrity version that is about to be foisted upon us in a couple of weeks, the handwriting is on the wall for this franchise.

2. Viva Laughlin (CBS): Why is this not the worst show of the year? Because CBS deserves at least a bit of credit for trying to do something that was original. The fact that it was so poorly executed that it lasted only two episodes probably means that CBS will never make that mistake again. "CSI: Peoria," anyone?

1. Big Shots (ABC): Last and certainly least. If it came down to watching this again and a night's worth of diarrhea, well at least they make Pepto Bismal. How the same network that gave us stuff like "Lost" and "Pushing Daisies" could give us this drivel is beyond me. That ABC won't even aired the three new episodes it has on the shelf during a writers' strike tells you how bad this is.

And, five shows that I liked that got ended prematurely:

1. Journeyman (NBC): Yes, this show was complicated to follow, but that was the point. It was building a nice little mythology, but we'll never really know how it was supposed to play out.

2. Veronica Mars (CW): The CW yanks VM but keeps "One Tree Hill," which will use the same plot device of advancing the series four years into the future. Go figure. At least, Miss Kristen Bell landed on "Heroes."

3. Andy Barker, PI (NBC): One day, Andy Richter will find the perfect comedy vehicle that people will actually watch. Unfortunately, this little gem of a show wasn't it.

4. The Dresden Files (Sci-Fi): I really was starting to get into this quirky little series, but apparently, no one else was.

5. The Nine (ABC): ABC didn't do this show any favors by yanking it before the major plot twist - that the bank manager (Chi McBride) was apparently supposed to be in on the robbery. The show was a bit meandering and probably too ambitious, but it was decent TV.

TUESDAY'S BEST BETS: My Christmas present comes courtesy of BBC America, which gives us an all-new "Life On Mars" tonight at 9 p.m. Everything else is a rerun.